MILITANT HETEROSEXUALS RECRUITING GAY KIDS FOR THE STRAIGHT LIFESTYLE
COMMUNIST HETEROSEXUALS INVADING OUR GOVERNMENT
Patriotic homosexuals across the nation, I come to you with shocking news. Militant heterosexuals have begun invading our courts and ruling that gay kids should be recruited into the heterosexual lifestyle. This is not a drill; I repeat, this is not a drill!
These militant heterosexuals know they can’t maintain a stranglehold on our culture without recruiting children into their perverted ways. We must root out the heterosexuals from our government if we are to keep the American way of life!
Many of these heterosexuals are part of the Southern Baptist Convention, a radical conservative religious sect founded to defend slavery. Slavery, that un-American, traitorous ideology that we defeated during the Civil War! And do you know what else is slavery? COMMUNISM.
(Since I don’t want some butthurt conservative to make me lose my blog for bigotry against straight people: The above is satire intended to parody 1980s rhetoric by people like Jerry Falwell Sr. and groups like the Moral Majority. I regard content like this, when done seriously, as harmful and toxic to society. I do not advocate for discrimination against heterosexual people in any way, shape, or form. If you are butthurt after reading this disclaimer, consider getting off the internet.)