Let’s say that there’s an issue that you care about for the sake of the people impacted by it, even though it doesn’t affect you personally. That makes you an ally. I’m going to explain, in four steps, how to be a good ally. Following these steps will prevent you from making some common mistakes.
Step One: Listen
It’s important to listen to the people you’re an ally to. A lot of easy mistakes can be avoided by spending time listening to and learning from them. I often see allies listen to people who aren’t part of the impacted group because they sound reasonable, but the unfortunate truth is that they’re full of shit. The fact of the matter is that while you learnt about the issue, the affected demographic has lived it. That doesn’t make them infallible; it just makes them on average more reliable. If you want to help, the first thing you should do is learn how from the people who know the most!
It’s also important to distinguish listening from hearing. If someone has a TV on in the other room, you might hear it but not be listening because you aren’t interested. Listening also doesn’t mean you are silent. It’s helpful to ask clarifying questions while paying attention to what someone is saying.
Example: You’re a white person interested in the Black Lives Matter movement. Instead of listening to your favorite white pundits on the internet, or your fellow white peers, consider reading things written by Black Americans and paying close attention to what your Black friends and acquaintances say.
Step Two: Amplify
Next, you’ll want to amplify some of what you’ve been listening to. It’s important to know that amplification is not parroting. All groups are composed of individuals; all groups contain a mixture of opinions. While it’s not always necessary to pick a side, occasionally you’ll have to. In that case, you have to use your best judgement when listening to the impacted demographic to tease out their best ideas. You’ll get better at it with time.
If you’re advocating for an oppressed demographic, your voice can be a strong amplifier. Oppressed people are discounted for various reasons, often because of the impression that they can’t be trusted. A white person is more easily believed on racial issues than a Black person. It’s not fair, but it is reality, and you can do a lot of good by amplifying what oppressed groups are saying.
Example: You’re a guy who’s interested in feminism. You quickly find out that there are a lot of different kinds of popular feminisms. You spend time listening to different feminists, make a tentative decision as to which makes more sense to you, and then spread their insights.
Step Three: Redirect
If you’re listening and amplifying, you need to make sure to redirect people back to those you’re listening to and amplifying. If you first amplify and then redirect, the trust people put in you will more easily transfer as they see the same opinions you shared coming from the person you’re redirecting them to.
A few problems will emerge if you don’t redirect. Not doing so will make it harder for others to learn. If you don’t redirect people back to the voices you amplify, then it begins to look like it’s your original opinion. Together, these can create the illusion that the people you’re advocating for is not doing much of the work, and people should just keep listening to you and people like you. Not ideal!
Example: After listening to transgender people about their lives and reading about the big ideas behind the transgender rights movement, you share these ideas and tell others to listen to read your favorite articles and listen to your favorite transgender activists.
Step Four: Show Up!
This is where the rubber meets the road. If you don’t go to protests, or donate to relevant organizations, or even share related articles on social media, then your allyship means very little. If you do it for a short time and then stop, then your allyship means little; remember, you may be learning about it, but other people live it! Christians being murdered in other parts of the world don’t stop being murdered when you stop caring. To be a good ally means to show up, and to keep showing up.
Example: You’re having dinner with others when one of them says something racist. You criticize them because even if nobody there was personally hurt by it, racism spreads. It won’t stay at the dinner table. It might “ruin dinner” (really, racism should ruin dinner more than standing against racism!) but you aren’t a good ally if you only show up when those you ally with can see you.